It's Been 74 Days

It’s been 74 days and I still can’t believe I have a son. His pout face makes me giggle, his eyelashes make me jealous, and his coos make me melt. I have this lil’ man in my life who is growing up before my eyes and I still can’t believe it.

It’s been 74 days and I still can’t nap. Luckily I have a 74 day old baby who sleeps through the night. Well, most nights.

It’s been 74 days and I’ve mastered doing (almost) everything with one hand. I can type, cook, make a bottle, clean… all with one hand. You should see my left bicep!

It’s been 74 days and I’ve only worked out twice. My back has been a recurring problem and has prevented me from getting back in shape. I promise this is not an excuse… If you could see the drastic tilt in my hips you would feel bad for me. What does this mean? Besides being in pain and frustrated, it means that this weekend I will be going shopping for some work clothes… something I did NOT want to do.

It’s been 74 days and I’ve finally started to figure out Cole’s different cries. Mind you they change weekly but most days I can tell which is an “I’m bored” vs. “I’m really tired but you’re so much fun I want to stay up” cry. There’s also the “I’m HANGRY – where’s that bottle?” cry and, of course, the ever popular fake-out cry. This one is usually smashed between some smiles and coos… again, fake-out!

It’s been 74 days and in 5 days I have to go back to work. This day always seemed so far away. In the beginning I never thought it would get here… I was anxious for it to get here. Now I’m begging for a few more weeks. A few more days. It’s not that I don’t want to work. I do. I’m not the stay-at-home type. I applaud those that are. It’s just that I don’t want to leave him. My lil’ man. I don’t want to miss anything that he does. I don’t want to miss the first time he rolls over or the first time he actually holds his nuk in his mouth. I don’t want to miss his naps. I love watching him sleep. I don’t want to miss the noises he makes. His grunting when he eats. The squeals when he lies under his mobile. The cries when you put him down to nap… and then how quiet he is when you pick him back up.

I haven’t even left him yet and my heart is breaking.

I know all the people at daycare will be wonderful and take good care of him… but I just don’t want them to. I want to. But I want to work.

I knew this would be hard. Everyone said this would be one of the hardest things I’ll ever do. I didn’t believe them. It’s been 74 days and I do now.